Republicans needn’t fear that Carl Icahn’s departure from the Trump administration means it’s no longer the richest ever. For not only has Trump self-dealt so much he doesn’t need billionaires to boost net-worth anymore, but his new Special Advisor isn’t any poorer than Mr. Icahn. (So maybe he still does?)
Vast wealth, or at least its appearance, is so necessary for entry to this White House that Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders’s pearls double as her identification at security. Of course, the new Special Advisor doesn’t have this problem: unlike Ms. Sanders, he’s hard to mistake for a millionaire.
At a press conference to announce the appointment, Mr. Trump praised his new advisor as “a corporate raider who takes no prisoners,” who “doesn’t tolerate little people” (presumably, the managers of raided corporations). Adding that “very good books have been written about his takeovers,” Mr. Trump directed the press to read—then, more characteristically, asked them to watch the “huge blockbusters” —that chronicle his friend’s raid on the mining conglomerate Erebor Inc.
When pressed to defend that controversial takeover, which saw the now Special Advisor violently seize (only to later lose) a veritable mountain of ancestral assets to its rightful heirs, Mr. Trump demurred.
“No one, let me say it again for you monkeys, no one has sat on more gold for longer than my very good friend. Not me, when I’m on the toilet. Not Melania, when she’s crying on the floor at Mar-o-Lago. Not Barron—and he’s been in a gilt bassinet for eleven years.”
When asked about his new advisor’s not entirely successful deals with “little people,” Mr. Trump returned, “Bilbo was a bad hombre: his riddles in the dark were so unfair, my guy stood no chance, and I think Frodo would tell you that.”
Early the next morning, Mr. Trump tweeted the following image and caption: “Watched new Special Advisor & very close friend roast not-funny no talent Stephen Colbert last night. Sad!”